Annoying Annie Says Sorry

I go to bootcamp last night hoping Olivia wouldn’t be there, surprise surprise she was. 😦

I’m on the olipitical working on my cardio and all of the sudden I see Olivia walking around the gym carrying a big plate of cookies.  Really??  Who brings cookies to the gym??  She brought Stacey I’m sorry for stealing your spin shoes cookies.  I’m pretty sure you don’t bring a fitness instructor cookies.  Get her a gift card or some protein powder.  Do you really think she will eat your cookies when she is so hardcore about her diet?  Use your brain.

I walk in to class and Olivia is chatting up a storm (with herself because no one is listening of course).  She is announcing to everyone that she had no idea spin shoes were so expensive…”$150.00 for spin shoes?  I thought they were $25.00″.  Olivia really needs to get into the gym world.

Class starts and Stacey makes us do some warm up cardio.  Running around the class is pretty challenging for some of us who are unfit (like Olivia).  She announces to the class that she needs to take a bathroom break.  10 minutes later she comes back and we are still running.  The second she walks in she says, “I guess I should have taken longer in the  bathroom.” WHY EVEN COME TO CLASS IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE LAZY!??  She is so annoying!

Throughout the whole class she just sat there complaining.  I almost want to get up an tell her to leave.  She is really affecting my workout.  If Stacey wasn’t such a good teacher I would have peaced out of that class a long time ago.

What’s a girl supposed to do when you cannot stand someone in your bootcamp class?

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Annoying Annie Pulls a Prank

Everyone has that one person at the gym that they just cannot stand.  Since I wasn’t sure what my least favorite gym goers name was, I decided to name her after the person everyone loves to hate on The City.  Thats right, I named her Olivia. 🙂

Heres a little bit of background on Olivia.  She is that lady that goes to every bootcamp and spin class, yet is no where near being fit.  [My guess is she fakes it during class.]  She sucks up to the teachers, yet she complains when it gets hard. “Ohhh I can’t do a plank, I have bad wrists.” “We have to run? My knees are bothering me today.”   She is always talking during class and keeps track if the teacher makes us do more sets than anticipated. She also wears the same thing every week.  She makes it known when she takes class, its like she is phrasing herself out loud that she went to the gym.  Like get over it and actually start working out!

Today I get to the gym 10 minutes before boot camp and decide to have a catch up session with one of my friends since I didn’t get there earlier enough to get some cardio in.   In the middle of our chat sess, one of our employee friends comes up to us and says “Stacey [the instructor] is freaking out in the locker room because someone stole her spin shoes.  Ovbi we have to go to the locker room to see whats going on.

Stacey is freaking out and is shocked that someone would take her shoes.  She has the staff looking everywhere for them and questioning people who are leaving.  Franticly looking around the locker room, her shoes are no where to be found.  I soon realized this wasn’t the scene for me so my friend and I book it out of the locker room and head to the group exercise room.

Right after Zumba lets out, my friend quickly notices Stacey’s spin shoes sitting on top of the music stand.  My friend and another classmate run to tell Stacey her missing shoes have been found.  The second I get in, Olivia is bragging to the class that she took them in effort to play a prank on Stacey.  Her original idea was to take her whole bag.  Are we seriously in middle school here??  Taking someones spin shoes is a horrible prank!

Finally Stacey comes in to class relieved to have found her shoes, yet mad that Olivia took them.  I mean she was stressing about them for 20 minutes.  If I were Stacey I’d want those percious 20 minutes of my life back.

All throughout the class Stacey was making comments to Olivia about the whole shoe incident which made the time fly by.

Hopefully Olivia learned her lesson and I won’t have to see her in class anytime soon.

Someone Call the Locker Police, We Have an Emergency on Our Hands

Not only do I have to fight for a parking spot and a machine at the gym, I now find myself fighting for a locker space too!  Soo annoying.  A lot of people at my gym tend to put their belongings in random lockers without locking it up.  Hi, what’s the point? You might as well just leave your stuff on a bench if you don’t plan on locking it up.

But really, what are you supposed to do if there are no available lockers and you actually want to lock up your belongings?

After a stressful day at work, I really needed to gym to get out my frustration.  Of course there was no parking so I had to circle around for a while just trying to find a spot.  I finally got a parking spot and made my way up to the gym.  Surprise, surprise, no available lockers.  I quickly made the executive decision to open my friend’s locker and put my stuff in hers.  [Keep in mind that my friend had a locker WITH A LOCK]

All of the sudden an older fellow gym goer comes up to me and starts pointing to a sweatshirt on the bench while giving me the death stare.  Of course, I had no idea why this lady was staring at me, let alone, pointing at random shit that wasn’t mine.
The conversation goes like this:


[Side note: Gym Bez had a heavy accent, AKA hard to understand]

Gym Bez: “Excuse me” [points to sweatshirt multiple times]

Me: “Ummm…no thats not mine”

Gym Bez: [Points to the sweatshirt again]

Me: “Is this yours?”

Gym Bez: [Again, points to the sweatshirt] This is my sweatshirt!”

Me: “Oh, it’s nice! It really brings out the color in your eyes.”

Gym Bez: “Is that your locker?”

Me: “No, its my friends.  We are sharing today.”

Gym Bez: “That was my locker first.  You can’t take my sweatshirt out and just put it on a bench.”

Me: “Oh…look I had no idea, I just got here and I’m putting my stuff in MY FRIENDS locker.  I did not take your sweatshirt out.  I really don’t even know what you are talking about.”

Gym Bez: “You know its not fair for you take someone’s stuff out and place it on a bench.  That was my locker first.  I don’t even believe you have a friend.”

Me: “Honestly I’m really sorry about this but I didn’t take your stuff out. MY FRIEND DID!”

Gym Bez: “Young people these days have no respect.”


Me: [Awkward silence, did a quick double take to make sure my locker was locked and walked away]

After I left the locker room I see my friend and one of my trainer friends.  Of course as I’m giving them the 411 I see my new locker friend leave the locker room and head straight for the front desk.  Home Girl complained to the front desk saying that I took her stuff out of her locker.  She also had the nerve to tell them I made up that it was my friend’s locker.  Pretty sure I have friend’s lady, it’s not necessary to tell the front desk I have no friends!

I’ve learned two things from this experience:

1. Lock up your stuff…it’s not that hard

2. If you take someone’s stuff out of a locker get ready for someone to call the locker police

*This also ruined my gymming for the day because I was so nervous she somehow broke into my locker.  I had a hard time focusing on my fitness after this weird encounter.

Workin’ Out While Workin’ It

Working 40 hours a week has really put a damper on all my hard work at the gym.  For 8 hours a day I sit at my desk behind my computer and snack all day long.   I try and tell myself, “no snacking today”, yet somehow a bag of chips ends up on my desk.  Then 5 minutes later its mysteriously empty.  I really need to burn off these calories but I don’t do enough throughout my workday to accomplish this.The only exercise I’m really getting is walking to starbucks or working on my gun show while typing.

I was trying to think of the best way to get my work done and get some exercise in at the same time.  Then it came to me…I’m buying the HULA CHAIR!!!

The No Pants Dance

Who here goes to the gym before going to work, showers and gets ready in the locker room? I know I do!

About 2 days a week, I have a schedule of getting to the gym at 7:30 am to get my fitness on before heading across the street to work. These 1 hour workouts consist of intense cardio and a stretch session. So needless to say, I am drenched in sweat, head to toe, and not in my best state!

I always make sure that I come prepared to get ready at the gym. My check list goes like this:

  • Make-up bag
  • Toiletry bag- leave in conditioner, mouse, hair spray, lotion, face lotion, deodorant, etc.
  • Shower flip flops
  • And most importantly, a change of clothes for the day, shoes too!

I have had the horror of forgetting to pack an extra pair of shoes for the day, and had to resort to walking around in my bright blue rubber shower flip flops. I recovered and slowly got over the dreadfulness of not wearing matching shoes.

One winter morning, I was having a passionate workout, really pushing myself to the max. I was feeling empowered, my adrenaline was pumping and I had pop in my step. It was an overall good morning. The more I was sweating the more I knew that I got a great workout in.

After callin’ it quits, I went about my morning routine, took a shower, did my hair, and did my makeup etc. Then came time to get dressed; I put on my bra, my shirt, followed by my pants. Except only this time when I went to grab my work pants from my bag, all I felt were my black sweaty wet workout pants.

I started to panic! I must have taken everything out of my gym bag about 20 times. Still NO PANTS!

So here I am, half way dressed with a towel around my waist, standing there with a complete look of horror on my face. What do I do now? Do I walk to my car in 24 Hour’s towel, hoping I don’t get caught stealing? Do I walk out in my underwear pretending nothing is wrong, like it’s totally natural?

I was definitely freaking out. And to make matters worse, I was already late for work.

So, it came down to make a decision. I knew what I had to do and I was not looking forward to it. I was nice and clean, smelling like a bed of roses, and now I was going to smell like a dog had shit on those roses. I grabbed my nasty wet work out pants and had to put them back on.

My dignity was practically gone when I got strange looks from the other women in the locker room, who were putting on dry clean clothes that they didn’t forget. Embarrassed and smelly as I was, I ran out of the locker room and straight to my car. I sat there for a while thinking if I should really walk into work in this condition.

Basically it came down to, “fuck it!” I’m taking a sick day and going home to salvage the rest of my dignity that I have left.

Unless you want to do the no pants dance at work, I suggest double checking your bag before leaving the house.

Gym Crush Workout

I don’t know about you, but I spend about 5 nights a week at the gym.  During my workouts I’ve noticed some really cute boys that could be  potential dates/hook-ups.  Now, when I’m having a hardcore workout day I really don’t want to talk to cute boys when I’m all sweaty and gross.  It is OK to give them an occasional wave or nod, but personally I don’t want to go up and give you a hug when I know I’m covered in sweat.  Not happening.  This is why I have dedicated one night a week to looking cute at the gym, also known as a “gym crush workout”.

On my gym crush workout days I’ll wear my hair in a cute pony and I will wear a “cute but I’m not trying to hard” outfit.  I’ll also try and show off my assets AKA I’m wearing my Lululemon short shorts. For my workout, I like to do some light cardio (normally elliptical for 15 minutes on level 5-7) then move on to weights.  I’ll do about 3 machines then I’ll move to the free weights and finish off.  Ovi, while I’m doing my weight sets, I’m scoping out the gym for sure cute boys.  Now I’m not talking about the juice heads that are checking out themselves, I’m talking about the boys that are seriously trying to improve their fitness.  Finally, I finish up my workout with another 15 minutes of light cardio (this time I’m walking uphill for 15 minutes on the treadmill)

Now the most important part of the gym crush workout is to scope out your selection. I mean, you don’t want to talk to just anyone.  Get a feel for the boys at your gym and see who is worth your time.  Make sure you are in their line of sight and make eye contact every so often. Maybe even them shoot a little side smile to let them know you are checking them out.   You don’t want to pick the wrong guy then have to deal with awkward gym encounters. :/

They Say Some People Can’t Party, I Say Some People Can’t Gym

1 Bench Press,

2 Bench Press,

3 Bench Press,

FLOOR!!

Gymology

Basting: To sit around stewing in one’s sweat and body odor after a workout.

Buddy Building: When two people who work out together become a single entity, and will not work out separately.

Bromethazine: A really hardcore BRO that inhales straight bromine at the gym, with his bros of course. One refers to these people as bromethazine, brody, bro, or a combination of these.

Buffness: When you are trying to define someone or something as extremely attractive or good looking.

Elliptismirk: The smirk that people on the elliptical exercising machine put on because they think that they are better than the non-exercising person.

Do Work: Works as a self motivator, to motivating your friends.

GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry): The process of staying fresh and mint.  GTL must be done every day to achieve maximum potential.  You can also have a GTL Remix and throw a hair cut in the mix. Side effects do  include fist pumping.

Gymming: To go to the gym; to work out.

Gymtervention: An intervention for people who are addicted to going to the gym.

Gymuary: The month at the beginning of the year (usually lasting no more than two weeks) that sees a rush to get in shape by people making resolutions they can’t keep.

Gym Monkey: A person who spends all their time in the gym rather than going out.

Gym Rookie: The dumb person paying for a year membership that soon will quit working out in about 2 weeks-because they realize it’s not easy being fit.  This person also does not respect the daily gymmer. This person moves your towel off of the equipment where you obviously left it- to indicate your using the equipment still or when you’re waiting to be next, they are oblivious to your towel hung over the machine; your keys; cell phone or any other personal belongings laying there; while you refill your bottle or get a drink of water.

Juice Head: A person that works out all the time.  They always look like they are on steroids.

Lifting Iron: Lifting free weights, originally all made of cast iron.

Locker Fishing: When you go to the gym and there is no one next to your locker, but when you go to leave the gym and there are people at or near yours. They impede your ability to get ready. Therefore you put out your “lure” and you “fish” by attracting others around your locker.

Meat Head: A male who is overenthusiastic about lifting weights and whose thoughts consist of athletics, blondes, and sports cars.  The dead giveaway of a meathead is if their attire includes a sleeveless muscle shirt, athletic shorts, and a lanyard for their car keys. If you ever find yourself in a setting with multiple meat heads, be prepared for frequent high fives, chest bumps, and hand pounds.

Newbie: A person new to the gym.